YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
