Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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