I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
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