He told me they were just razor bumps!
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
