i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
you had me at cake vodka
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
