I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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