I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
