I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
