Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
