i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
