I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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