So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
