Apparently you make a good broom.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
