I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
