it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
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he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
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Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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