I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize