Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
