I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
