the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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