And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
