Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize