The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
