im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
