i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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