Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
