mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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