I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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