Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
