I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
