Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
