I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
