Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
