its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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