I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
