His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
