I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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