I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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