2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
