i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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