Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
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So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
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I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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