Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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