i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i was born a porn star she said
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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