I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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