Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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