I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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