How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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