come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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