New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
