I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Acid is not a monday night drug
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Randomize
