Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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