There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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