ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Can I color on your dick again?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
