I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
