He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
