Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
